


An Attentive Antagonist

by GallusGallus



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Implied Relationships, No Plot/Plotless, Not Serious, Random & Short, not really slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25199701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallusGallus/pseuds/GallusGallus
Summary: I am posting this because I think I have condensed the experience of Optimus and Megaton into it's purest essence.*Snerk, yeah right*This is inspired by another author's playful creations using a random plot generator. Enjoy, hate, take it as you will.
Relationships: Megatron/Optimus Prime
Comments: 8
Kudos: 6





	1. Science Fiction Novel Blurb

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amity_Ax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amity_Ax/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Two Arrogant Uncles Shouting to the Beat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378325) by [Amity_Ax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amity_Ax/pseuds/Amity_Ax). 



Megatron Slagmaker

A Science Fiction Novel  
by GallusGallus

"I'm going to need boring textbooks, big, boring textbooks."

47-year-old Optimus Prime lives a dreary life with his attentive antagonist, Megatron Slagmaker, in Iacon.

However, the wrestler's life is turned upside down when he goes to a wedding on Earth where there are snobby lobbyists that like to snitch each other.

Loving, optimistic Optimus is shocked by this revelation and does not want lobbyists to snitch each other anymore.

Certain that he's doing the right thing, he goes home and gets himself some label and boring textbooks, then returns to earth.

However, when Megatron calls, begging him to come home, Optimus is forced to decide what is more important: stopping the snobby lobbyists that snitch each other, or preserving his relationship with his antagonist?

Auto Praise for Megatron Slagmaker

"Never have there been more chilling villains than snobby lobbyists that snitch each other."  
\- The Daily Tale

"Are we seriously supposed to find a loving and optimistic wrestler from Iacon heroic?"  
\- Enid Kibbler


	2. Techy Optimus Prime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short story of love and loss, exploring the deeper connections between opposite people. Er, machines. People machines.
> 
> Really high brow literature happens.

Techy Optimus Prime  
A Short Story  
by L. A. Laurences

Optimus Prime was thinking about Megatron the Slagmaker again. Megatron was a melancholy sadist with a long nose and sweaty toes.

Optimus walked over to the window and reflected on his empty surroundings. He had always loved the hot African savannah with its grated, gloopy grasses. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel lovelorn.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the melancholy figure of Megatron the Slagmaker.

Optimus gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a techy, aggressive, energon mixer drinker with a broad nose and hairy toes. His friends saw him as a pleasant, purring pep leader. Once, he had even revived a dying, tiny dog.

But not even a techy person who had once revived a dying, tiny dog, was prepared for what Megatron had in store today.

The sleet rained like touching chickens, making Optimus pleased. Optimus grabbed a round sponge that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Optimus stepped outside and Megatron came closer, he could see the adventurous glint in his eye.

Megatron glared with all the wrath of 88 morbid panicky pigeons. He said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want a hug."

Optimus looked back, even more pleased and still fingering the round sponge. "Megatron, I love you but we are too different to function together now," he replied.

They looked at each other with hopeless feelings, like two careful, cuddly cats bouncing at a very polite soccer tournament, which had classical guitar music playing in the background and two loyal uncles punching to the beat.

Optimus studied Megatron's long nose and sweaty toes. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," began Optimus in apologetic tones, "but I don't feel the same way, and I never will. I just don't hate you Megatron."

Megatron looked irritated, his emotions raw like a tasty, tasteless turban.

Optimus could actually hear Megatron's emotions shatter into 7047 pieces. Then the melancholy sadist hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of energy mixer would calm Optimus's nerves tonight.  
THE END

Auto Praise for Techy Optimus prime

"I feel like I know Optimus prime. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."  
\- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."  
\- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the sleet rained like touching chickens is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."  
\- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."  
\- Zob Gloop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this is funnier than it should be because I should be sleeping, but I felt this actually reflected (in a drunken, fun house mirror sort of way) the relationship between Optimus and Megatron.
> 
> Also, I made noses singular (long noses was too much, even for me).

**Author's Note:**

> I was just reading Two Arrogant Uncles Shouting to the Beat by Amity_Ax, and found it hilarious. I had never used a random plot generator, so I gave it a whirl. 
> 
> Behold, silly entertainment! It is like Mad Libs for writing nerds at 2 in the morning and no one else is up...so no one hears me cackling to myself at lines like "The sleet rained like touching chickens, making Optimus pleased."
> 
> So thank you, Amity_Ax for making my insomnia fun with your silly stories and Exampletron.


End file.
